Ask Sista Girl – February 2020

Dear Sista Girl:

I really need your help.

My boyfriend of almost 10 years and I have an amazing little human. I am originally from Connecticut and that is where my loving and supportive family is based. My boyfriend got a job in law enforcement all the way in Louisiana, and his mother has moved in with us to help us with our son.

After several years of his mother’s antics I have reached a certain point where I want to just pack up my son and move up North to my loving and supportive family. My boyfriend supports any decision I make, but I’m feeling the need to go back to the Northeast to be closer to my family—and the job market in my field will provide a much more viable option for me to make money. I am currently driving Uber to make ends meet. I have a Master’s Degree, it’s time to get back to working in my field. What should I do? Confused and wondering.

Dear Confused and Wondering,

This is a pretty big deal and really requires some authentic communication between you and your boyfriend and soul-searching for what is best for you to live a fulfilling life in your career.

One thing I did pick up on is that you said boyfriend… Is there a reason why you guys have not sealed the deal? Not that marriage is going to force a behavior, but sometimes it forces people to stick with the situation and really evaluate and assess all sides before making a decision.

What should be commended is the fact that your boyfriend supports what it is that you want—and it sounds like moving back up north would definitely be the best move for you, but how will that impact your son? It’s also is pretty awesome that you are blessed to have a grandma present to support and assist the raising of your child; and while some of the things that grandparents can do may seem a little overwhelming, bottom line is you’re pretty fortunate.

Studies have shown that grandparents involved in their grandchildren’s lives, have a hugely positive impact. But you did mention antics without specifics, so it’s important to keep an eagle eye on that to make sure she’s not derailing any of the parenting that you and your boyfriend think is appropriate for your son.

So I guess the number one thing to do is have a sit-down and a heart-to-heart with your boyfriend and test the pulse of his mindset of potentially moving. It sounds like because he has his mother in tow she will fall in line and go wherever he is. How awesome would it be for your son to be exposed to both sets of grandparents? Perhaps her antics will cease because she will feel that the responsibility is a shared and collective one, whereas right now your family is so far away. And she may have conjured up the idea of doing it all by herself, which might prompt some of her antics.

Bottom line, start looking at some jobs, poking around the contacts that you have up there and see if something can stick. You really can’t examine what you’re going to do until you know that you’ve got something concrete to go to.

Be well, beloved.

~ Sista Girl



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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.


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