Ask Sista Girl – September 2019

Dear Sista Girl:

My fiancé and I have completed our advanced college degrees and have been engaged for seven years.

Recently, he asked me to marry him amidst all the backlash and resentment he’s received from his family because of our interracial dating. Not two months later his family hosted an “official welcome to our family cookout” for us. My family who is supportive of our relationship decided not to attend.

The cookout was held on my fiancé’s rural family farm with a host of relatives and immediate family attending—not to exclude a growling three-legged dog who obviously didn’t like me and didn’t want to be there! I also notice his family seemed overly friendly.

I listened to story after story of family misfortunes, bankruptcies, and overdue bills, and noticed how my fiancé never came to my rescue. After the event, I asked him why the sudden change of heart, and what influenced his family to like me. I also asked that he be truthful.

Hesitantly, he told me that he shared with them that I came from a great family, was very hard-working, smart—and that I made a “seven-figure salary.”

Now I’m asking you … should I end the relationship with him and his family, or endure what could become a nightmare?

Dear “Seven Figure Salary” Friend,

First of all congratulations to you and your fiancé on all of your successes in education and business. 

One of my favorite pieces of advice to give people is to go with your gut. If your gut tells you it’s okay to be used financially and you’re okay with it then go with it.

But clearly your gut is questioning here so I think you need to explore deeper, fully, and wrap your brain around the fact that his family has chosen to see you differently because they see you as a potential aid to their financial troubles.

One thing that is for certain, once you get married to him, his problems could potentially become your problems.

You stuck around with this guy for seven years so clearly there’s a lot of love here. But you have to go in with your heart and mind aligned, and you cannot afford to lose your mind in this situation.

So if you want to keep your fiancé and you’re willing to face the challenges of the family as they pop up, that is what happens when we get married. I suggest a prenuptial agreement as a form of protection for you.

Clearly he doesn’t have the same concerns on his mind, it sounds like your family is self-sufficient and there’s never been any question about who he is because they’ve always supported your relationship. So if he gets uneasy about this, it’s important that you get him to see it from your lens, and perhaps even with the assistance of some pre-marriage counseling to address these concerns before you walk down the aisle.

This is a tough one, beloved, but I hope you keep your heart and mind aligned as you make this very important decision.

~ Sista Girl



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