Ask Sista Girl – February 2019

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Sista Girl,

I’m a single professional woman who has worked very hard and made some great achievements (executive home, nice vehicle, and have educated my children through college).

I’m relatively young to have achieved all this. Now, I’m ready to find the right man to enjoy the rest of my life with, as I will be retiring in less than 10 years.

I’ve dated professional men, and do NOT bring them to my home for months, but when they see what I have amassed, they’re ready to drop what they have and move in with me! I am not giving up what I have, but I do want a relationship based on “true-love,” not material things. What do I do!

My Sista:

I salute your accomplishments. I am hopeful you not only worked hard, but also worked smart concerning debt structure. Not sure what you mean by the men are ready to “drop what they have and move in.”

What is “everything?” Are you saying they desire to quit their job and sell their home to move in?

Let’s say you are referencing them stating that they desire to move out of their place and into yours but continue to work. Let’s say they are attempting to justify their proposal by saying this could be an economically sound move. The money they are spending currently on housing could be used to assist you with your financial responsibilities. They are looking at this as a win-win.

I sense you noticed that they appear to be more attracted to what you have amassed rather than attracted to you at the level of your expectations. I suggest that they are obviously attracted to YOU and you are attracted to them, long before they’ve ever seen your home [you do NOT bring them to my home for months”].

At what point do they invite you to their home? I believe that if they were attempting to make a sexual conquest, you would have picked up on this during the waiting period. I am thinking that you might establish a standard that if the conversation is introduced, you are prepared to tell them, “At this point in our relationship, moving in with me is not an option.”

If you invited him into your home and he accepted, there must be a spark there somewhere on both sides, so keep on going with the relationship-building first.

Remember if the relationship-building is complicated and appears more one-sided, it might mean this is not the match made in heaven. I heard a minister say: “The problem we get into is when we tend to make temporary people permanent, and permanent people temporary.”

You might be very clear on what “true love” is like to you, but don’t set your expectation of others so high that no one can meet it. Don’t settle, either. Your soul mate is out there. Be patient.

Stay centered my Sista’!

Reprinted from December 2015


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