Ask Sista Girl – December 2018

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Dear Sista Girl:

Recently, a man from my past tracked me down by asking a mutual acquaintance how to contact me.

It infuriated me, to say the least. I had changed my name, address, a couple of telephone numbers, and added a very significant other.

I purged my old love interests and wanted total privacy. Why did he go through the trouble of finding me? We’re over! I don’t backtrack and he knows it. He had texted weeks earlier and I ignored him, not wanting to talk to him even briefly. I thought he would get the hint.

My Sista,

Just the other day, I had this debate over privacy with my girlfriend and my man. Who respects personal privacy more, men or women?

They both said men have less respect for boundaries. I thought women were more intrusive than men. I have heard countless stories about women looking up men on Facebook, checking out their privacy settings and pictures, checking real estate tax records, marriage licenses and divorce decrees, etc. In contrast, I have not heard these things about men.

To address your issue, I totally understand your fury. If you wanted your ex to know anything about you, you would have shared it yourself. Since my recent debate, I have had some time to think. My guess is that some men track people down as a sign of power or to prove they can find you even when you wish to be lost. That’s scary. Some may do it out of arrogance, thinking it is solely their choice whether the two of you are contact or not. Some out of ignorance, believing that no matter what they have said or done, you want to hear from them and you’re still friends.

Nonetheless, you have a choice. You can berate your friend for sharing, if they did, and ask that they not do it again. You can scold the old boyfriend for intruding on your privacy and tell him not to contact you again, or you can ignore him. I would encompass all three. Tell your friend not to share your information with anyone without your explicit permission. If the guy contacts you, tell him how you feel and ignore him if he continues to reach out to you afterwards.

Best wishes.

~ Sista Girl



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