What is Manhood?
by Bill Moore
How do we declare what manhood is in a world in which constants are no longer constant, rules we’ve trusted to be unbreakable have been shattered and political correctness and “feel good about ourselves” seems to rule the day?
What do we tell our children about this concept which is more important than most understand?
Certainly it is biological. It is also cultural and defined by what that culture “thinks” a man must or should be. Another factor is what a man thinks about himself and the actions and decisions he makes throughout his life which lead him to manhood or something else. This last point is blatantly philosophical and open to interpretation, but bear with me a while and decide for yourself what constitutes manhood.
Please understand that I don’t presume to call myself an expert, but I have spent a considerable amount of my career as a teacher and Qualified Mental Health Professional (QMHP) and have had many years to observe so called “at-risk” youth struggling toward that concept “Manhood.”
This struggle can be both the most exciting and confusing time of a young man’s life. From age fifteen to twenty is a vulnerable time of life when young people, men and women are searching for who they are. The role models are all around them, some good, many otherwise. Actors, athletes, parents and peers will all have their input. 
Often choices boil down to what is “cool” at the moment and young men will cycle through several personas until they have had the time to become more secure in their person-hood. The actions and words of potential role models is critical, and the closer a young man comes to that self discovery, though they may not admit it, the more important parental actions and words become. For better or worse, a parent is the biggest influence on their children, and it is what that parent teaches that their children will learn the best.
Manhood is certainly culturally controlled to a lesser or greater extent depending on the needs and values of a particular culture. Early Appalachian culture often deemed thirteen year olds as marriageable and even encouraged. An agrarian life was hard, and the more hands available to work, the better the chances that a small group of families in an isolated valley could survive. A man became a man when a man was needed, and simple “human economics” demanded it. Still, none of these explanations are very satisfying when our children, male or female, ask us to uncover the mystery for them. Perhaps the best, and maybe the only way is to tell them what we have learned, believe in and hold to be true.
Opinions will vary, but one of the most potent indications of manhood is how that man or anyone aspiring to manhood, treats women. So, here is where political correctness is tossed to the wind.
A woman can be strong and resilient, but like most other creatures, can be equally fragile. Men, by virtue of their usually greater size can do great physical harm. They can also be intimidating and do damage by word and attitude. No?
Think about the last rap lyrics you heard. Did it sound to you, on the whole, like an assault on womankind? Is it something you would like to hear spoken about your mother, sister or wife? If you would be men… respect women. Never, but never hit any woman. If she hits you, suck it up. There is never, never, never a reason to physically hurt her.
Likewise, understand that none of us are in anyway perfect. Admit to yourself that there have been times in your life when you have been physically and emotionally intimidated by someone else. Did it make you feel small, diminished in stature, destroy or at least bruise your ego? Remember the simplest and most profound rule there ever was. Treat others the way you want to be treated. Men were made to be protectors and providers, not bullies, ogres or worse.
In a story in U.S. News and World Report some years ago, it was stated that in some communities, nearly seventy percent of births were out of wedlock. Husbands/dads were not around, and where does that leave the single mother with a child and no job? Destitute or on welfare is the all too common of an answer.
Their means of support – emotional and financial, has gone on to other conquests and will never, or almost never, look back. Manhood isn’t something you prove by your sexual ability, but by your “stay”-ability. As mentioned earlier, any thirteen-year old can make a baby. It requires a man to feed, clothe, support and nurture that baby…and that baby’s mother.
Probably the most important element of manhood is a sense of responsibility. When you go to your job, do you do your very best to give an honest days work for an honest days pay? Do you treat your child’s mother with care and respect and show respect for others around you? Are you part of your child’s life in any meaningful sense? Are you there in the night to defeat the “monsters” in the closet, to laugh, play, teach? Are you there at two AM when the baby is crying, wet, grumpy or nowhere near ready for sleep, but you are?
Like it or not guys, you are an integral part of what makes a family a success or a tragedy. If you love them, you will know what to do without having it explained to you. The next time you look into a mirror and ask yourself, “Who am I and what do I stand for and believe — you better know.” Your children are watching, listening and judging your actions. Will you be able to tell them about manhood from personal experience?
