Ask Sista Girl – September 2018

Dear Sista Girl:

Recently, one of my most cherished friends offended me with a text.

She has been my friend and first cousin for sixty years. We have shared everything throughout the years: marriage, childbirth, divorce, heartbreak, and death. It goes without saying we have been each other’s confidante, cheerleader, dance partner, strong shoulder, and playmate when no one else was there.

However, I am not willing to accept her apology or forgive her just yet. I expressed my dislike for the meaning behind a questionable text, and stopped communicating with her. She has reached out to make amends, but I am so hurt and offended that I need time to get past it. How do I heal this wound?

My Sista,

Sorry to hear that. It must have been a really horrible text and deeply personal; however, without taking anyone’s side, I will give you some advice.

From what you have written, you and your cousin are at least sixty years old. I point this out only because friendships are important at every age, but especially in the latter stages of our life. Really good friends are extremely rare. At this late stage in life, how many people will you meet that can be trusted with your deepest, darkest secrets? You probably wouldn’t be willing to share your information with a new person anyway. Who, besides you, will share the same memories when you get older, and will be able to carry on a conversation or share a knowing look or giggle about something that happened 40 years ago? Not your new friend, your child or spouse. Unfortunately, we don’t get an unlimited supply of life-long friends, three at best. I only have one.

Psychological studies have shown that friendships and human interaction are so critical to life that the lack of has been linked to premature death and depression. My question to you is: Are you more willing to forgive people on the street, strangers, old boyfriends for indiscretions against you than your best friend? Who will you turn to in hard times or tragedy or pure joy? You can’t just decide to lean on just anybody with heavy burdens or share confidences.

Friendships must be nurtured, not whimsically tossed aside whenever you are offended. Talk to her, set new boundaries. Maybe the sixty-year-old line should be redrawn because things hit closer to home nowadays.

I hope and pray this fence can be mended for both your sakes. Best wishes.

~ Sista Girl

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