Bring Back Structured Parenting

Priscilla R. Ndiaye, author of A Mother’s Cry: He’s Still My Child.

By Priscilla R. Ndiaye, MSML

Remember when children were much better disciplined, mentored, educated and cultured? What has happened?

Remember when children who misbehaved in public were disciplined by other adults or elders in the community before they ever made it home?

Remember when times were rough (as they are now), and families didn’t have food to eat, heat, clothes or shoes to wear—other families, or the whole community, would help out?

Do you remember when families met for dinner every evening in the dining room, or at the kitchen table? You were taught table manners, and social graces. You were taught to address adults by their surnames, “Mr. X” or “Mrs. Y.” You asked to be excused from the table if you had an urgent need! Dinner hour was the time when family business was conducted and discussed, and you listened and learned.

Do you remember when church played an important role in the shaping of our lives? Children were taken—not sent—to Sunday School and church. There was no talking during prayer, reading of the scripture, or solo songs. Children wouldn’t dare go to sleep, chew gum, or play in church!

Youth sang in the choir (even if they couldn’t carry a tune), and many children attended Vacation Bible School. All family members participated in extracurricular church activities where they learned parliamentary procedures and public speaking, and ministers visited families’ homes.

These efforts helped shape the lives of people from birth to adulthood, and made them responsible citizens.

Now, unlike the days when the children had to ask if they could use the telephone that was usually in the hallway, they get upset if you don’t purchase them a personal cell phone; a lot of parents feel it’s necessary — in case of an emergency — for their child to have a mobile phone in their pocket, and that means they can call or even text from wherever they are.

Today, more children are being kicked out of school, or dropping out, and even, for whatever reason, being put out of their own homes; as a result, young people are flooding the foster care system, juvenile detention centers, and prisons.

What has truly happened? Is it a “sign of the times?” Have we as parents, teachers, churches, adults, and/or society failed our children? (And I dare not ask if the children have failed us.)

It is time for some changes. We as parents, educators, church congregations, adult citizens, and as a society must take the first steps to make changes.

There is a saying that “the children are our future, teach them well and let them lead the way.” Can we honestly say we are “teaching our children well?”

I challenge you, as community members – whether you are a parent or not, to invest in the future of our youth.

Invest in our children; and for those already investing, invest more! Let’s come together to nurture, advocate for our children, and empower the parents to redirect our children back to the path of success. We can first start by dialoguing. I welcome your comments, questions, and useful information/resources. Send email to: [email protected] .