Healthy Relationships

By Dr. Sharon Kelly-West –

I have a dear friend of more than 20 years who is also a nurse.

We are still very available to each other, though our friendship began so long ago. Like me, she celebrated a birthday last summer and was gifted with our Medicare Part A card.

Whaaat? A Medicare card? We now have children who are thirty-something. . . Wow!

Give Them a Call

During my many moments of self-reflection, one afternoon I decided to take time away from busyness and give her a call, in addition to my usual birthday card acknowledgement. I wanted to sit with her face to face. I needed to be in her presence. Her gift of wisdom and insight is beyond her years. Though we know we are available for each other at a moment’s notice without question, at this moment, I needed to see her.

Take a moment and pause. Is there someone in your life that you have this level of relationship with? If yes, take a moment and reflect on why this friendship has stood the test of time and express gratitude. If no, why not? Reflect.

Be There for Each Other

As I drove to her home with dinner in tow, I recalled that five years ago my friend watched her wonderful husband of many years take his last breath due to a devastating and cruel illness. I watched my friend mourn in silence as she greeted those around her at the memorial service. I was there when she stood with her son in the absence of her wonderful husband as he said “I do” to his bride a few years ago. She was there for me when I encountered a traumatic situation over 15 years ago as she wrote letters of encouragement to me and called to ask, “How are you, Sharon?” She was present for me as I encountered obstacles on the caregiving journey with Mommy. My dear friend shared with me that the journey will not be an easy one, but to “Love her all the way home.” She was present for me when I received the call that my brother and only sibling had had a fatal heart attack seven years ago. She was also there for me when I called her to share that Mommy had died—and what a joy it was to be at her side as I “loved her all the way home.”

As we ate our wonderful meal on such a beautiful day, she shared stories of her current caregiver journey with her elders. As I listened to her and watched her enjoy her meal, I realized our kindred spirits connected even more deeply.

Speak from the Heart

We spoke of life; we spoke of gaining wisdom and getting older. We both graduated from nursing school in 1979. Where did the time go?

Kay M. Clark and I laughed, we were silent, we appreciated the beautiful garden and her green thumb. She showed me the exercises that she does every morning and shared about her meditation time. She shared words that shook me to my core.

As I began to walk to my car, I felt refreshed, renewed, yet I was sad that I had not done this sooner. It has taken me five months to actually write about this because of the depth of the experience and my gratitude for having such a relationship with one I call my sister “from another mother.”

A Small, Essential Group

I once heard, “If you want a friend, be a friend.” I began to reflect on others that have been placed in my life that I know at a moment’s notice, they will be present, and they realize I am there for them—at a moment’s notice.

But here’s a warning: There won’t be many of these folks in your life. I like to call this “the inner circle.” Know that the one to four folks in your inner circle are all you need for this time in your life. That is how small, how tight, and how important that circle is.

Question: Who has welcomed you into their inner circle? At this point in my life, I have come to realize that, for me, what is important is to give into and to serve others more. I believe people who have been placed on my path are intentionally placed on my path or I have been placed on their path to serve and to encourage.

In 2023, I desire to listen more, and make time to be present for others more.

And for what it is worth, forgive and move on. Call someone that you have not spoken to in a while or write a letter to them sharing words of encouragement and love. Tell someone how much you appreciate them and provide details of what they did that caused you to take notice.

Relationship building matters. Tell someone each day, “Thank you.” Do not take anyone for granted. They may not be here tomorrow to hear your appreciation of them. Or YOU may not be here tomorrow to share your appreciation of them.

Remember, “No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care.” ~ Theodore Roosevelt

Thank you, Kay. I love you to the moon and back!