What Men Think – Relationship Matters
In “What Men Think,” women from across the country asked men some of the burning questions they have wanted answers to for years.
Randomly selected men from around the country were asked to respond to these questions, giving some thought and meaning to their answers. Here are the results of those in-depth discussions.
1. How were you socialized in your family in regards to respect of women?
Carl: Poorly, at least by my biological parents. My mother relinquished custody when I was between the ages of three and four; there was little contact between us during my youth. As a child, that relationship left me with some practical understanding that women could be unreliable or self-serving.
My
father was a career military man who held a basic value that women
usually functioned in one of three primary roles -mothers, play toys,
or predators’ masquerading as victims.
The positive influence was my stepmother, who was a model of love,
determination, and kindness. I would say that my current appreciation
of the strengths and weaknesses of the female gender came from
experience, education, and a personal effort to develop and run off my
own internal program vs. the conditioning of childhood. My conclusion –
women have just as many struggles with maturity, balance, courage, and
integrity as men – they go about that struggle differently, but with
more or less the same measure of successes and failures.
2. Do you view a woman as an equal in both the relationship and society?
Abdus: I would have to say yes, because women are becoming more equal.
In a lot of cases women are becoming the bread winner in the
relationships. Also, I will also say yes in society, because women are
now assuming leadership positions in the political arena and in
corporate America.
3. How important is monogyny in a relationship?
Charles: First of all monogamy is very important in sustaining a
relationship for it is necessary in maintaining trust and confidence
with both individuals involved in a relationship. Secondly, it reflects
an individual’s moral character to hold and maintain this trust and
confidence with their chosen partner.
Lastly, we must consider the fact that casual sexual relationships are
not a luxury that we can afford anymore. Monogamy in a relationship
minimizes worries and concerns that may arise in any of the three
qualifiers stated above.
4. In meeting the needs of both partners, would counseling be something
you would consider if your relationship or marriage was in trouble?
Rod: Yes I would consider it as a viable option. I would be very
cautious on who we approached to receive counseling from though, as
some counselors today might offer advise that would go contrary to my
religious beliefs.
Sure, some counselors may feel that, under certain circumstances, it
might be advantageous to develop relationships outside of the marriage,
to spice your relationship up. Or they might not have a full
appreciation for the Bible’s counsel on marriage, and may prefer some
of the more modern points of view.
Or, if children are involved, they may advocate some of the more modern
philosophies of child rearing, which I think have created a bumper crop
of juvenile delinquents. Social workers and psychiatrists have helped
to blur the line on what is right and wrong — many people have lost
their way on a number of social issues.
5. Should the male feel that he is the head of the household and if
yes, what does being the head of the household mean? And if no, why not?
Ulysses: In reality the head of the household means more than just
being a man and living in that household. As head of the household the
male should be a responsible adult, a provider, a leader of the family.
He must be a promoter of honesty and respect, working always with the
female to facilitate growth, peace, and harmony.
The head of the household should always strive to build a healthy
environment for his wife, children and relationships they may have.
Yes, the male should feel that he is the head of the household if he
satisfies much of what is discussed here.
6. In your opinion, what are the three most important qualities that your female counterpart should bring to the relationship?
#1: Loves her mother.
David: The first experience with love normally comes from one’s mother.
If that love is sustained throughout the life of a baby — from birth to
the time of taking on a partner in life — love has a chance.
In the case of this man choosing a woman to be his wife, he wants there
to be unquestioned love at the foundation of the partnership. If a baby
girl gets through life as a woman that loves her mother, there is a
good chance that she has experienced unquestioned love. Assuming this
man is ready to offer it, I want a women that knows what it is.
#2: Full time student of womanhood
David: This man believes womanhood is vulnerable to political trends
driven by a host of special interest groups. The ever-present fight
over what it means to be a woman amounts to a fruitless attempt at
reinventing the wheel.
I believe that if my wife comes to me with the prerequisites; love of
her mother and self- in a partnership of unquestioned love-she will not
want to reinvent the wheel. She will focus her energies of being the
woman that this man deserves.
#3: Loves herself
David: A woman that does not love herself cannot be trusted to bring a
healthy and genuine love into a partnership. This man believes that
such woman is never whole and therefore can never enter into a
partnership whole. This man will deserve a whole woman.
7. Would you marry a woman with bad credit and/or no money? Would you expect a woman to marry you with bad credit and/or money?
OB: Bad credit can be changed with disciplined behaviors – also limited
funds. If both people work hard at the problem and have that
conditional understanding, I would give it a try.
