Ask Sista Girl – October 2016
A chat from Sista’ Girl:
I want to shout out to my sistas, though this same principle can apply to the brothas as well.
Sistas, we are so busy searching and looking for love, we are tempted to overlook red flags in a relationship.
We tend to mask the red flags with statements such as: “He’ll change.” “Maybe he didn’t mean to say it like that.” “He will want me and only me if I am patient.” “It’s okay that he has others.” “At least he comes home to me at night.” There are many more sentiments to add to this list. Well, my lovely Sistas, I want to share something I heard two or three years ago:
“Stop making temporary people [in your life] permanent, and permanent people in your life temporary.”
When there is a struggle to make a relationship gel after six to eight months or a year, this just may be a temporary person and you need to let that go. If you have encountered a permanent person and you desire it to be temporary—get a grip.
What does a permanent person look like? Glad you asked. This is not a comprehensive list, but includes these things:
- Calls to ask how is (was) your day and genuinely wants to know
- Brings or sends a gift to you just because ( flowers, a note, a phone call)
- Does not put pressure on you for sexual intimacy
- Makes it clear that you have met the criteria (we all should have standards of what we want in a mate)
- Genuinely interested in your dreams and goals and asks, “What can I do to help you reach your goals?”
- Doesn’t forget your upcoming event that you are a little nervous about, and calls immediately afterwards to ask how it went—or actually attends the event as support, if possible
- Dresses to impress you
- Respects the way he converses with you (profanity is a “no-no” for me. It offends me. Especially if I am not using profane words. Is his vocabulary that limited?)
- Knows how to protect relationship time and not allow others to hijack the time he wants to spend with you.
Just a few things to consider. Also, he may not look like the dashing man you dreamed of, but it’s not all about looks, but how much the man is demonstrating his desire to serve you and treat you as a queen. In the movie Baby Boy, remember these words: “You complete me.” That’s what I’m talking about.
Sista, also remember, if you want the best, you must prepare to be the best. You are a queen and you are worthy. Respect yourself and view yourself as God’s creation worthy of genuine love and commitment. When the permanent one crosses your path, you both will know—and it’s a beautiful thing!
I’m jus’ sayin’…
~ Sista Girl
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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.
