Ask Sista Girl – January 2016

Sista Girl,

I think I am in love.

I want to tell him but I am not feeling telling him first because what if he does not share the same feelings for me. Should I tell him or hold back and wait on him to tell me first?

Some of my friends tell me if I tell him first, he may start treating me differently. He will use that to his advantage and may either choose to not be with me as often due to the implied commitment or he will tell me he loves me as well.

What do I do? I want the world to know that I love this man.

My Sista,

I once read: “It is better to have loved and lost than to never have loved at all.” With love comes relationship. Actually relationship comes first.

I am a strong advocate for building the relationship. What does that mean? How does he respond, react in the presence of your friends? His friends? Have you met his family without you having to prompt him to do introductions? Does he serve you? Do you looking forward to serving him? What do I mean by serve? He looks forward to celebrating you and you look forward to celebrating him.

Relationship is measured by presence and for me personally “presents” [threw that in for free]. Transparency and trust go hand in hand in relationship building. If he has demonstrated deception on any level- red flag. Do you both feel you can share anything confidentially with each other and know it will not be shared with others?

I’d also like to know about his work environment. How do his co-workers view him? This is a lot but love is a lot. Love is deep.

Do you feel safe with him and protected? Does he do the gentleman-like approaches such as opening the car door for you? Walking on the outer side so that you are protected?

For me, the spiritual component is key. Who does he serve? Does he go to church regularly? Is he engaged in the church or does he merely occupy a seat? There are many more questions to ask but you see where I am going.

Love is deep [vs. touchy-feely]. Love is unconditional. Love does not keep score. Love is not superficial. My grandmother would share with me, watching the way a man treats his mother is a sure sign of how he will treat you.

Now, my sista, do you love him, lust him, or do you like him a lot? Does he love you, lust you or does he like you a lot? Ponder this.

The one very important question is not “What will my life be like with him?” But the question is, “What will my life be like without him?”

Sista Maya Angelou said; “When people show you who they are, believe them.” Don’t try to rationalize or to justify. Just believe them. You then decide to stay or move on based on your definition of a healthy relationship.

To answer the question: The feedback your friends are sharing is possibly based on their personal relationships. Their experiences does not necessarily mean it will be the same for you.

Girl, if you feel it is love – go for it. Share this with him. Maybe the conversation should start with “I want you to know that I really enjoy our times together.”

~ Peace, Sista Girl

Ask Sista-Girl!

Sista-Girl will answer your questions about life-issues, and give suggestions on how to solve them. Email your questions to [email protected]

Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.