Ask Sista Girl – February 2016
Sista Girl:
I make significantly more money than my husband.
Sometimes I feel this may make him feel less of a man or he may feel emasculated. Is this harmful to a marriage when the wife makes more money? We love each other and I don’t want him to feel lesser than me, yet I don’t know how to approach this subject. He hasn’t said anything to me, but I sense he feels as though he is not carrying his full load.
My Sista:
The only way to know how he feels about the income difference is to tactfully ask him. I say tactfully, because this is such a sensitive topic.
Marriage represents a covenant. I really don’t like hearing the “institution of marriage.” Institution symbolizes a place where someone is being controlled. It can also represent a place of oppression for someone. Institution is defined as “… governing the behavior of certain individuals” [Wikipedia]. Covenant represents the coming together as one, and with the acknowledgement that I am here for you and you are here for me.
You will soon, or are probably already, realizing that marriage is not 50-50 but 100%/100%. With that being said, there will be situations where your contribution will be greater, and areas where his contribution will be greater. No one should keep score. This is a covenant, sis. However, is it easy? No, but it’s not hard either!
It’s love. It’s relationship. It is a good feeling to know that it doesn’t matter who has the higher income, because it all goes towards a common goal, which is to accommodate the needs of you and your man. He should not feel emasculated. One thing to be cautious of: avoid statements such as “If it wasn’t for me, we wouldn’t have….” “I have bought everything in this house.” “When are you going to get a raise?”
My sista’, it is difficult for the brothers out there. There is much stereotyping by our society which adversely affects our men. Eryka Badu says, “Sistas, stand by your brothers.” If he is employed, and you see he is a man of integrity, truth, and a provider for his family who respects you, then affirm that man and tell him how much you appreciate him.
I’m not a brother, but I have many brothers as friends. They all say basically the same thing: “I just want my lady to respect me.” Respect is huge. So sit down one evening and say something like, “Honey.” – or whatever you choose to get his attention – “I’ve been really blessed on my job, and I am so grateful. I’m most grateful that you are the man you are, and the man you are to me [and our children, if applicable]. We never question if you will come through, because you always do. I am glad we have a relationship where what comes into this household is ours.”
Peace and Blessings to you,
Sista Girl
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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.
