Ask Sista Girl – December 2016

Sista Girl:

I have a friend who is the same age as me—late fifties.

She is “dating” a young man who is 30. I want to tell her that based on what she has shared with me, he is not as attached to her as she is to him.

She shared with me that she has met his mother, also late 50s, but he introduced her as a ‘friend and mentor.’ They have been sexually active and he has gotten a girl pregnant since they have been “dating.” She still did not get the message and hopes he will open his eyes to see she is the one for him. He recently shared with her that he is “seeing someone,” not the same girl he impregnated. This hurt her so badly but she is still hoping. He continues to call her to see how she is doing. She views this as him recognizing he prefers to be with her. How should I share with her to move on?

My Sista:

I am glad you are her friend and someone she trusts to share this with. Wow, what a situation.

To some, it may seem easy to tell her “Girl, wake up and smell the coffee.” A woman who has fallen for a man who has provided what she has been missing is a woman who feels her needs are met and tend to overlook the obvious.

He is probably energetic, innovative, exciting, athletic, and a great conversationalist but he also realizes there are things he desires that she cannot provide, such as having children, but others can. He may enjoy her but does not see this as a permanent relationship.

I was told once, do not offer advice unless you are asked. When she seeks you out, be compassionate and truthful with her. She will appreciate it—though she may not see this initially. My personal thought is that she should not continue to accept his calls and/or texts. She ought to totally release all connections in an attempt to heal. This is easier said than done however.

When it is time, you will know exactly what to say.

~ Sista Girl

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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.