Ask Sista Girl – August 2016

Sista Girl: Help! I need to know your thoughts.

My mother has always told me, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk—for free?” She said this after I told her that my boyfriend of three years and I are sexually active. Mother feels that because we are sexually active, he will not desire to someday ask me to be his wife. She wants us married. Is it true that men only want sex, and once this happens the commitment to marriage is off of the radar?

I know I want to be with him and he wants to be with me; however, I really don’t think marriage commitments are being challenged. I am not ready to marry because I want to accomplish some things before I do, and I am sure he feels the same.

My Sista:

This is a great question and this old adage is one that is familiar to me, but may not be to some of our readers.

It mostly references cohabitation (living together while not being married). Not sure of your mother’s generation but marriage is experienced less often now as compared to the 1950s and ’60s, because the culture has changed.

Marriage represents commitment to each other through the good and the not so good. More than 50% of marriages end in divorce these days; therefore many are weighing the pros and cons of marriage and considering if “the juice is worth the squeeze.”

We know scripturally the Bible says: “Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled.” The question is an interesting one: from a middle-aged woman’s perspective, we should look at value. How do you value each other? Only you and they can answer that question. We know we are not talking about a cow and its milk, but how you value your relationship and is usuary occurring. Are you mutually agreeable that you fulfill each other?

~ Sista Girl

I reached out to Brotha’ Man to get his thoughts on this from a male perspective. He shared some words of wisdom:

Sista Girl, you make some good points, and I agree that the couple has to decide what works for them.

However, Brotha’ Man’s view of a woman is that she is more than the sum of her genitalia.

Men, unfortunately, sometimes don’t know all they need in a relationship. So when a woman proposes sex, one of two things can or will occur: First, sex becomes the conquest—hard fought for or easily won, it’s just a game! Second, if sex is ALL she has to offer, then the sex will eventually get old!

Whether you’re 18 or 80, a man wants a woman with a variety of toppings. Are you a well-rounded person with few hang-ups and drama? Do you interact easily with people? Are you congenial, educated, and do you handle money and/or finances (business) well? Are you willing to get your hair wet, and your clothes dirty—and not be a prima-donna? If you have these toppings covered, then you’ll be fine.

In order for this relationship to work, you both have to be about lifting each other up in all ways, all the time. A relationship is not 50-50, it’s 100-100.

~ Real Talk, from Brotha’ Man!

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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.