Ask Sista Girl – April 2016

Sista’ Girl:

There’s this guy who is Hispanic that I work with.

After three years of working at the same location, he has asked me out. I am interested in him and he is obviously interested in me.

He has shown this several times in subtle but clear ways. Sista’ Girl, I am not sure if I am ready to date out of my race. I love my black brothers but I have not been pleased with who I have dated. How do I move forward in agreeing to a date, and not feel like I am dismissing my ethnic brothers?”

My Sista’

Girl, do you! It’s about you and what you desire to pursue – or not. It is all about you.

Obviously the Hispanic brother realizes you are special, and you would not be asking this question if he did not meet your criteria. You are not asking that you two get married, you are merely accepting an invitation that he has offered you. Go on that date and make expectations clear on the front end that you are agreeing to dinner and/or a movie, or to go to the game together, and… Nothing else!

Make it clear that getting to know each other is key to you. It will probably take pressure off of him as well. Like my mom says, always have taxi money in case you need to call for a ride home unless the two of you are meeting at the date location.

Don’t overanalyze but DO pay attention: Does he have a “wandering eye?” Meaning, when a woman walks in front of him while he is with you, does his eye follow that woman from the time she enters until she sits?

Did he pay for the meal, movie etc. or does he expect you to pay? Answer: He invited you so he is expected to pay; he should not expect you to pay for your own meal, or his. (But girl, have that card on hand to pay for YOUR meal just in case! And if that happens … Leave him there. He’ll get home.)

Is he touchy-feely? Not a good sign at the very beginning. This shows a lack of respect and self-centeredness – getting his egotistical needs met and not being respectful of yours.

Oh, well, that’s enough for now. If you both have a great time and the two of you feel a mutual desire for a second date, you will know what to say at that time. My personal preference is that you not call him after the date. Let him know at the end of the first date that you had a great time – but only if you did. If he did, too, he’ll ask again.

I believe most women desire to be pursued by the man, and most men like the thrill of the hunt. I also believe men don’t like it when women become hunters and seek them out aggressively. I believe in meeting for the first few dates in a well-populated area. Double-dating is not out of style either.

What if you both are feeling really good about each other and desire to become sexually intimate on the first date? Girl, no! That is lust! Refrain!

I’m jus’ saying lady … Stay fabulous!

~ Sista Girl

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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.