Ask Sista Girl – November 2015

Sista Girl, I spoke recently with a friend, and she made a statement: “Girl, I’d rather have ai’an than na’an.”

Basically what she was saying is she would rather have any man in her life—even one she KNOWS is seeing other women, unemployed, unmotivated, etc. — and they are together at least weekly — than not have a man at all! I don’t agree with this; however, she seems to always have a date.

Personally, it’s difficult for me to find a man who wants a long-term relationship, and also a man who is gainfully employed. So, should I lower my standards too? I want to marry, have children, and have my man honor me as his queen.

My Sista,

I am with you. However, I do not agree with your friend’s thoughts on the “ai’an than na’an” theory.

I have heard this statement before, but I ask that you value yourself, my sista.’ My grandmother would share with me: “If you don’t respect yourself, how can you expect a man to respect you?”

I would like to clarify something: This “male” is not a “man” in my opinion. There is a distinct difference. “Men” display characteristics of being responsible, accountable, providers, and protectors of their women. Also, they do not feel degraded when they desire to be transparent with their woman.

Men of integrity are not waiting on women to supply what they need, nor are they comfortable with women providing for them. Men are neither envious nor jealous of their woman’s success; nor should the woman be envious or jealous of her man’s success. Both should genuinely complement and support each other publicly and privately.

Many women have devalued themselves by “buying a male,” and freely engaging in sexual intercourse to “keep” him, or accepting the behaviors like that of your friend in her “ai’an man” theory.

Be respectful and keep your head up high – there is a man for you! Real men are attracted to women who are grounded. They are attracted because they will see you are a whole person. And, you should also desire a man who is a whole person too!

Not sure if you are a Christian or not, but I was told long ago “If you want God’s best, prepare to be God’s best.” God will not send the man who is best for you if you are not prepared to be the best. What’s for you is for you, my sista’.

Stay strong!

Ask Sista-Girl!

Sista-Girl will answer your questions about life-issues, and give suggestions on how to solve them. Email your questions to [email protected]

Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.