Women: How Real Are You?

by Meta Commerse

“Do you stand four-square for things which are true?
Or does every little wind sort of uproot you?
When you have decided just what is right
Do you stick fast to it with all your might?
Women: How real are you?” 
~ Frances T. Smith

Observing Women’s History Month, the first stanza of Frances T. Smith’s poem (c. 1943) asks us timeless questions, and, offers a perfect opening for some of my recent ponderings. Trying to spark a conversation among black women, and, like casting my line into the deep water, I had almost no bites, until recently.

Taking an informal Facebook survey asking my friends, what, if any, aspects about their experience as women they would change. After several attempts, in came a few choice replies. Their strained revelations ran the gamut, starting with issues of “jealousy, competition and mistrust.”

Still others immediately shone a positive light, nearly canceling the initial comments. “I always turn a compliment back on the giver, recognizing her in the same way she recognizes me,” and, “I want for us all, for every woman, to succeed,” they said. From each end of two opposite poles, women responded from their hearts. Yet, where is our bridge between the awful truth and this pie-in-the-sky? Whatever happened to the main dish?

As women, we are the bringers of life, bearers of hope and good news. To inherently, authentically be bearers of hope and good news in the 21st century — a time of unprecedented speed and profit before people — is to be the bringers of dawn, of a brand new day. The transition, then, is for us to move from a fragmented, split, divided and false feminine experience based upon materialism, power, competition and exclusion, a combination of values that does not support life.

Once I heard bell hooks share her observation that “it seems black women end up alone and sick.” For us to be fragmented, split, and divided is for us to end up alone and sick. Consider a woman in Saudi Arabia not permitted to drive a car or to be seen in public without a male escort, or a girl in some parts of the Sudan who may still be subjected to female genital mutilation.

The awful truth about this feminine experience, if left unchecked, makes hooks’s observation surely prophetic. To check it is to move by our own authority to a feminine experience based upon strength, capacity, love, nourishment and homecoming, where we understand that there is enough of all that is good for all to share. Then, to be whole and well women, is to live the dream, to thrive in the magnanimous knowledge and wisdom of a life of such genius and brilliance as to defy logic!

From that place, we gladly love and serve ourselves, and one another, understanding that the experience of one woman is the experience of all women. From that place, we know that we are indeed at home in our bodies and that they and our lives are sacred, beautiful, and are ours. We know that for one to do well is for all to do well. For one to use her gifts blesses all. For one to withhold her gifts cheats all. I wonder how we truly make this leap from here, and imagine the way begins with a commitment to heal…

Women: How Real Are You? Do you stand for right when your moment comes? I grew up hearing these questions, for the Poet was my great-grandmother who helped to raise me. Following her and still others who dared to think that they in some way might change our world, I seek now to do my part. Will you do yours?

Story Medicine Asheville has life changing events planned for this Spring. Our members’ showcase is scheduled Friday, April 4, 2014 at 7 p.m. at Jubilee!, 46 Wall Street. This showcase offers “best of” reading selections from program participants, followed by dialogue with our audience.

Ase’

Meta Commerse, M.A., M.F.A. is Director of Story Medicine of Asheville, a unique healing program. She is also an author, activist, and public speaker. Her novel, The Mending Time, is forthcoming. Meta is available to speak to your group on the healing power of story and other topics of interest. Contact her on Facebook.