Golden Boy

Chatting with Cathy – April 2013

by Cathy James

An old friend contacted me the other day for advice. He stated that he had always been seen as very reliable, stable and somewhat perfect in the eyes of the women in his family. He had been the family man…a good husband, father and hard worker all of his adult life.

Now that he is newly divorced and dating heavily, his spit-shine polish is dulling in the eyes of his family. From the conversation, I gathered that he wants to maintain his reputation while he sorts through all of the women and he asked me what he should do.

ADVICE:

First, you should confirm that you are the “Golden Boy” that you perceive yourself to be. Maybe you aren’t golden, just merely a role model who has, up to this point, shown discretion.

If you are golden, the thing you should remember is that every date/new acquaintance should not meet your family. When you are in the early stages of the vetting (dating) process, you should date as many women as often as you like; however, keep the speed dating private if you feel your family will be judgmental.

As I pointed out to him, if his daughter showed up at his house every week with a new guy, he would wonder what she was doing as well. In order to maintain some level of respect in the eyes of your family (the women), you should bring only the very top candidates to meet the folks. This way, you will not garner any undue kudos from the younger males or negative reactions from the older women.

He added a caveat. His family is very social, always having a function for everyone to attend. His busy work and parenting schedule does not leave room for family gatherings and dating.

Your schedule is neither your family’s nor date’s problem. You need to choose the family function and not attend with a new date or choose to take the date to another venue to get to know her. Do not force your choices on either party. You may cause an anomaly that would not have occurred if not for your poor choice.

Your family could mistake the new acquaintance for a vetted possible, or likewise, the newbie could read more into meeting the family than she should. Keep first dates light…ask questions, laugh, listen, and learn. When your family sees you as rarely as they do, they want to spend time with you catching up, not tiptoeing around your flavor-for-the-night.

In the end, show your other family members the same respect that you show your daughters. Everyone can’t meet your angels, and your family doesn’t want to meet everyone you take on a first date.

This advice is given strictly for entertainment purposes only.  Email me at [email protected]. Your email will be answered, but please indicate whether you would like your story shared or not.