Chatting with Cathy: Change, Trickery, or Deceit?

by Cathy James

I never believed the myth long propagated by men that their women tricked them when they were dating. Changed, maybe? Change can be good, especially when you are dissatisfied with your current circumstances or the foreseeable results are less desirable. We as humans are uncomfortable with change, and if at all possible, avoid it. The fact is, everyone should have a desire to change, to better him or herself, and to grow and learn. Anything is possible, and life should be approached with that thought in mind.

ADVICE

I often tell my male friends who seek my advice to re-examine each date, the conversation, and any other details about the relationship during its early stages. A person (male or female) usually exhibits certain behaviors and/or tells you everything you need to know about them in the beginning through conversation, stories, etc.

However, during the infatuation stage, we generally do not pay close attention to what is being said. We are gazing into the person’s eyes, cuddling close, eating, or whatever else the date consist of; however, this is the time to look and listen very intently to the people we are getting to know, their associates, and especially family members, for these persons are potentially in your new family.

They are not “passers-by” – but constants in that other person’s life. There are no tricks! You should ask to meet these people before serious commitments are made.

I always tell women, “Be careful when choosing your partner. He’s your future child(ren)’s other parent!” If your child exhibits bazaar behaviors, it’s your fault. If he or she is not so bright, a jailbird or addict, it is still your fault. Choose wisely. Don’t complain later!

When visiting a potential partner’s family, if you notice there is a relative locked up in the back bedroom – run! If the siblings or other children are uncontrollable and disrespectful; the person eats out, never at home; their house is untidy; their car has been repossessed; bills are never paid; and you choose to look the other way, then you’ve tricked yourself.

Men: if you thought she was cute in those tight clothes when you met her, what makes you think she will buy baggier clothes in the future? If she went to the salon every week before your relationship with her – she will continue. If anything was fake before, it won’t be real after you marry her, and please don’t pretend like you didn’t know that wasn’t hers (I’ll leave that one alone!)

If her maintenance costs were high before and you liked the way she looked, it will be part of the household budget after the nuptials, or her looks will surely change. It will not be her fault, but yours, if she cannot afford to keep herself up.

Women: if you thought he was selfish, immature, and a mama’s boy when you dated, he will be even worse after you marry him. You will see it full-time and up close. If he is cheap, he will be cheaper – since he no longer has to impress you on dates!  He will expect YOU to cook, as-well-as pay your part of the bills – maybe more.

PAY ATTENTION!

Older women always told me – and probably you too – that how a man treats his mother is how he will treat you. Not always true – sorry! Typically, mama’s boys treat their mothers better than their wives. If her house needs painting, your house will be left to peel. You can fill in the blanks.

However, I don’t think there are any. In most instances, his really nice clothes were purchased by his mother. He may not look as good as he did when you were dating, so be prepared. Hopefully, his mother doesn’t cut his hair, too! Be warned – he is not tricking you if you don’t ask.

I said all this to say: If you like something about a person, ask if they do it for themselves, or if it is real. What their future goals are, or life-plans they want to pursue. If there are illnesses, mental and physical alike in their family genetics. Even the people you haven’t met.  Is there anything they don’t like about themselves? How close are they to their best friend or roommate? Never be afraid to ask questions. Silence is also an answer.  Pay attention!

This advice is given strictly for entertainment purposes only.  Email me at [email protected]. Your email will be answered, but please indicate whether you would like your story shared or not.