What is a Father?

Bruce Kennedy (left), and Roland Morgan (center), share their words of wisdom regarding fatherhood with P.J. White.

by Sarah Williams, Photos: Urban News

Many men will agree that being a father is the most rewarding relationship that they have. Children begin by loving their fathers unconditionally. It is a clean slate. There is nothing a father has to do to gain his child’s love. The difficult part is not losing it.

As the child goes out into the world, he will see all kinds of men whom he will look to as models as well. It is crucial that his father stay active in his life and help him make intelligent decisions. A boy without a father will look elsewhere to fill his father’s shoes.

Four men, four views

In honor of Father’s day, we asked four men to share their views about fatherhood. Bruce Kennedy shared his thoughts about being a father, and, more importantly, being a good father. After he responded, he commented, “It was fun to think these two answers through. It probably shows, I’ve loved being a dad.”

“The most important part of being a father is not about biology,” said Kennedy. “In fact, nowadays, a man’s direct participation in the creation of a child is becoming more a choice than a necessity. And, of course, any fool can conceive a child. What fathering really means is protection, nurturing, and encouragement. If you are a father, and not there for your kids, then you have lost out on one of the most important chances you will ever have to be an evolved and engaged human being.”

What makes a good father?

“The single most important thing you have to give, as a father, is your time,” Kennedy said. Be there for your children. When my kids were young, if they came to me I nearly always put aside what I was working on and engaged with them. Answered questions. Told stories, Entertained. Challenged.

“And I purposefully created events – times and experiences to allow us to grow together (yes, it is a two-way street.). Empathy, listening, sharing your best are all good and important parts of fathering, too, but giving your time is the most important. And that is the part I have played in nurturing two good, successful, and loving daughters.”

Bruce Kennedy	Paschel “PJ” White

Talk, listen, understand, respect

Dennis “Roland” Morgan focused on how he interacted with his children, both in words and deeds. He said, “A father is a man who is a leader. He is a person in the neighborhood who younger people can look up to. I don’t think some of the younger men these days know what a father should be. In the past, when children were doing wrong, a man or a woman could correct them without fearing that their parent/parents would become angry. I could talk to my children and they, in turn, could talk to me. We shared conversations.

“I worked hard so that my children would understand right from wrong. I tried to set an example of how women should be treated by the way I treated women, with respect. I learned from my mother and grandmother, and they taught me well.”

Dennis “Roland” Morgan	Gray Tolson

Strength and compassion, and “I love you”

Gray Tolson has two little boys, and it is evident that he adores both of them. “I want to show them how to be strong, compassionate men,” he said. “My mother was my main source of strength. I believe that fathers should teach, guide, offer advice, and show strength.”

Gray hopes to be – and to this observer he is – a good father. Signs that he takes fatherhood seriously are clear: he often receives hugs and kisses, and he often hears “I love you.” He gives the same to his sons regularly. His boys teach him something new every day. They have taught him patience, compassion and empathy. “Children are mirrors and they reflect what you do.”

Unconditional love

Paschel “PJ” White believes that “A father is there for his kids, not just monetarily but also for support. My kids are comfortable talking with me, and I feel comfortable talking with them. They give me unconditional love, and I give it in return. This, I think, is what fatherhood is about.”