Embracing Diversity: Families with Children from China

A traditional Chinese lion, held aloft by some children, danced its way through the street as Chinese-costumed children greeted onlookers.

By Cathy Holt

At the Christmas Parade through downtown Asheville, the Families with Children from China (FCC) won the prize for the best float.

Who are the Families with Children from China?

Over 100 families in western North Carolina belong to the local chapter of this national network. The goals of FCC are to help the children learn about, and celebrate Chinese culture, and also to provide a support network for the children and their adoptive parents. Many of their members have adopted more than one child, and several members are in the process of adopting their first child. Anyone can join, via their Web site: www.fccasheville.org.




The
Asheville chapter meets six times per year, with a major yearly
festival. They have had overnight culture camps in honor of the Dragon
Boat Festival, and they celebrate major holidays such as Chinese New
Year and the Autumn Moon Festival. They also hold a summer gathering
and winter holiday party. Some smaller playgroups have formed, and
individuals occasionally host outings for a specific age group.


Melodie Meadows,
a co-leader of Families of Children from China, and her husband Ralph
Redpath adopted their daughter nine years ago. They had been dealing
with infertility and “all of a sudden it became very clear that our
goal was to have a child, and adoption made the most sense,” says
Meadows. Her daughter’s name is Tara Lien-which is Chinese for Lotus
Blossom.



“Whenever we
meet folks who are Chinese, we invite them. At Chinese New Year, we’ll
have several local Chinese families with young children who join us,
because it gives them a place to celebrate too,” says Meadows. Several
members of the Asian community have begun to attend meetings, as well
as assisting with festivals and celebrations.



Warren Wilson
professor, Don Ping, and his wife Jie Wu, are very involved and
helpful. Jie has a Chinese language school-teaching after school at
Isaac Dickson and also on Saturdays for kids who attend other schools.
The students in her classes include children adopted from China as well
as children whose parents are of Chinese descent. They’ve also helped
out at festivals, such as the dragon festivals, teaching the kids how
to make special Chinese dumplings.



A family from
Fairview has just adopted their sixth Chinese daughter. A retired
couple in Black Mountain has adopted four older children-two boys and
two girls. Three are freshmen in high school, and the other is a
sophomore. This family was invited by the Chinese Cultural Affairs to
perform in Beijing for the celebration of their adoption program. One
of the boys does calligraphy, and one of the girls taught herself to
play a Chinese instrument.



Support Networks



The group
provides a support network for the children, so that as they grow up
they have friends who understand. “That’s the biggest blessing,”
Meadows says. “We’re fortunate because the Maloneys adopted at the same
time we did, so Tara and Laura have been best friends forever. They
celebrate their birthdays together, and they see each other at least
once a month. Our families have taken trips together to amusement
parks.


From left to right: Aimee Oakes, Summer Jacobs, Tara Redpath.

A few years ago,
I started planning a mother-daughter weekend every summer for families
with daughters Tara’s age. Last year, eight moms and daughters went to
Atlanta and visited the zoo, where they happened to be having an Asian
safari theme, with pandas! Tara, who is fascinated with pandas, just
did her fourth grade research project on them.”


Issues: Birth Parents
and Racism


“We want Tara to
understand that the choice her birth mom made was a loving one,”
Meadows continues. “We believe that her birth mother loved her and
wanted her to have a good life. We’ve always been very open about that.
On her 10th birthday, I wrote a poem in honor of her birth mother and
shared it at Jubilee. Each family handles that issue differently. Some
kids and even adults, ask, ‘Why didn’t her real parents want her?’ We
point out that we are her real parents and that we’re not imaginary!
People need to be educated to say ‘birth parents’.”



Meadows belongs
to FCC’s national listserv. “There is lots of good information shared —
studies on adoption, new materials for teaching Chinese, where to find
Asian dolls for your children. The listserv also serves as support for
the parents. Some of my best friends are moms of kids from China. We
share insights. It’s been great to hear how different people address
the issues of birth parents, and of teasing.



Last year, a
child at school said to Tara, ‘Go away, you’re Chinese and we don’t
like Chinese people.’ When I picked her up that day, she burst into
tears. But our principal at Haw Creek was wonderful and dealt with the
situation well. Through the listserv, I learned that a child had been
teased about her eyes, and the Mom suggested saying: ‘Did you know that
there are more people in the world who have eyes like mine, than like
yours?’ I would never have thought to address it that way. I want to
teach my child to respond in a way that’s not defensive or offensive,
but powerful.”



Building a Bridge of Love



Concluding,
Meadows says, “We invite folks who are considering adopting from China
or are already in the process to attend our meetings. They are able to
get their questions answered, and often feel reassured to see so many
people who have already successfully navigated ‘Adoption River.’ We
believe that families are built on love, not genetics; and that
international adoption builds a bridge between two cultures and often
two races.”