Ask Sista Girl – January 2018

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Dear Sista Girl:

Am I the only woman in the world who picks the same selfish man over and over again?

He may have a different build, complexion, or level of education, but the mentality remains the same. They want me to listen to their problems, cater to their needs and whims, nurse them back to health, or fulfill their dreams while I swallow my pride, forego my goals, soothe myself, and somehow fulfill my own needs.

My Sista,

You’re not the only woman or person who makes bad relationship choices. There are numerous selfish, self-centered people in this world. Men do not hold that honor alone. The real question is, when you discover that the person you are involved with has these character flaws, how long do you stay?

When toxic symptoms exhibit themselves, we tend to ignore them. When you’ve had a long day, does your partner ask you how your day was or do they only talk about theirs, day in and day out? Does all the household surplus money go towards their needs and wants? Do you have to stop what you are doing to complete a task for him or her? Whose credit or money is always tied up in expenses? Can you only afford a trip for him or her and not as a couple? Who is the nurse when the other is sick? Who controls the dating schedule or time spent together?

If none of the answers are in your favor, you’re wasting your time. The only change that can occur is your behavior, not the other person’s. You cannot expect him or her to change ingrained, life-long patterns. You need to become hypersensitive and aware. Pay attention when you’re on the first two dates. Listen intently. Don’t be fooled. Find out what they really want from you. Is he or she seeking a nurse, nanny, cook, maid, driver, co-signer, paper writer, test taker, booty call, mistress or mister, security blanket, or punching bag? Any of the aforementioned, RUN.

On the other hand, you must ask yourself if you are the real problem. Are you an enabler? Do you subconsciously seek out persons who are needy so you can rescue them? Some people want to be saviors. Do you like being the hero? If so, don’t complain. CHANGE, if you can.

Best wishes in this New Year!

~ Sista Girl


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Sista Girl will answer your questions about life-issues, and give suggestions on how to solve them. Email your questions to

Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.


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