Dear Sista Girl:
After dating for several years, my companion abruptly broke off our relationship.
He said he had been contemplating it for a while. He never discussed his feelings with me. I was taken aback when he made me feel as though we were incompatible and not a good fit anymore, if ever.
I wanted to know why and asked him more than I probably should have. Was there another woman or had I done something to make him not want to see me again? I thought the whole situation was unfair. Please help me understand.
Nothing in life is fair, especially this year. Don’t expect breakups to be the exception. People are not usually good at expressing their feelings or the reasons why they don’t want to do something anymore, so it may feel like it is coming out of nowhere. Most want breakups to be quick and easy without long drawn out discussions or emotions.
Some people wait for the most opportune time to end relationships because they have allowed their unhappiness to build over time without resolution. They have avoided conflict the entire time while you thought you were the perfect couple. You’ve probably been stepping on the person’s toes for a while. That is why constant communication is so important in every type of relationship. If the other person is not a talker, you need to find a way to penetrate the barriers. Always be considerate of an inexpressive person’s feelings, and never assume they like things the way you would do them.
It’s okay to ask why, but at some point you will need to accept the other person’s decision even if you haven’t gotten any answers. Consider how you would feel if you wanted out and the other person badgered you constantly for answers you didn’t want to give. Relationships are not business transactions; therefore, the end does not have to be mutually agreed upon. Think of it as getting fired. The boss just tells you, no discussion necessary. I think as we get older we expect adults to deal with uncomfortable situations with more discourse. Some of us have evolved—but some think it is still more efficient to cut bait.
I’m sure it’s painful but there is always a silver lining. Find the good in everything and be thankful that you found out that he didn’t want to be with you before you invested more time and energy in a doomed relationship.
~ Sista Girl
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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.