Dear Sista Girl:
Can you ever fully trust the person you love?
I’ve been in a long-term relationship for more than a decade. The man I love can be evasive, aloof, and distant at times. These characteristics can be a little disarming to my self-esteem and destroy the trust he has earned over the years. It creates doubts and causes me to question my intuition and who we are to each other.
I’m not a control freak but I hate the unknown. Living apart doesn’t exactly help the situation. Would marriage or cohabitation help?
I’ll start with your last question first. Being married or living with someone doesn’t eliminate doubt or build trust. You would only close the physical space between you, not the mental or emotional. You can only know someone as much as they are willing to share. You only know what people want you to know … and what you can dig up yourself, which can be time-consuming and not always worth the effort.
Be careful: you can drive yourself mad running down every rabbit hole to verify your man’s statements, actions, and whereabouts.
The ol’ adage “LOVE IS BLIND” is said for a reason. Trust him. Be patient, loving, and supportive. If you are going to love him, you have to give him some rope to hang himself. If there’s something to know, the information will be dropped in your lap sooner or later. He is not any different from anyone else. We all omit something at some point.
On the other hand, a dose of your own medicine can make you sick. Stop being open and forthcoming with him. If you can, be vague, don’t always share your thoughts and whereabouts. He’ll quickly discover that it doesn’t build trust or a solid foundation for a lasting relationship.
~ Sista Girl
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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.