Dear Sista Girl,
I’m currently separated from my husband for the seventh time.
He left me years ago when I was at a low point in my life. He walked in one day, said he wanted a divorce, packed his things and left. I have never fully forgiven him. I’ve allowed him to return several times and repeatedly asked him to leave after he breaks the very promises that get him back in the door.
Now, I am finally ready to divorce him and don’t want to continue to make the same mistakes year after year. Do you have any words of advice for me?
No offense intended, but it sounds insanely romantic … repeating an act over and over again, hoping true love will win, but receiving the same heartbreak.
The good news is that we all have done something insane at some time or another. He has broken your trust and finally your spirit. Many times, people stay in doomed marriages because of financial stability, the children, or the fear of going back into the dating world.
You need to ask yourself why you have stayed and conquer your fear(s). If it is money, credit, shelter or healthcare, the answer is: get a job, build your credit, or find alternatives to whatever it is. If it is the children, talk to them. Some children are tired of the fighting and want their parents to divorce.
It would be cruel to tell you to try one last time, so I suggest you file for divorce immediately. If there is no property or assets to be divided, file for an Absolute Divorce. Filling out the paperwork yourself could be cathartic and, let’s face it, cheaper. Knowing that you got rid of him for less than $200 will be a source of laughter for years to come.
Don’t second-guess yourself this time. Find a distraction. You’ll need a good hobby like reading or writing about the crap you endured. Keep your divorce plans to yourself. Sharing may lead to relapse. People tend to think they know best and want to point out all the reasons why you shouldn’t divorce, like the years you invested.
When you can finally see around his big head, you may find the man he was blocking. I wish you all the best.
~ Sista Girl
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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.