Ask Sista Girl – January 2017

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Sista Girl:

I have been seeing a man for the past four years.

From the moment we met, he pursued me relentlessly, expressing his desire to be my “Mister.” In short, he wanted to be my lover. I explained that I didn’t do casual sex, booty calls, or anything but monogamous relationships. He agreed, or so I thought.

Over the course of the past four years, we have shared and given advice related to personal, family, and work. We’ve gone on lunch dates, eaten dinners I prepared, seen a couple of movies and attended sporting events.

He has met my family and interacted with my children and grandchildren. I have never met any of his family or friends. I’ve received flowers on occasion, a few gifts, but mostly money.

He does things around my house or will pay to have things done. I’ve taken care of him when sick, let him rest when tired, listened when he needed to vent, and been there when he’s just weary. I’ve bought him really nice gifts. I try to keep the romantic fires burning hot by dressing up, writing his name on my body with henna, serving breakfast in bed, etc. I mostly travel and attend events alone or with my children, because he is still checking his schedule.

I love him and he says he loves me. My question is, why are we not any closer?

My Sista:

It is my belief, in your haste, you did not receive a full commitment but a reluctant acquiescence. Looking back, did he really say that he would be anything other than your “Mister?” His actions over the past four years have spoken louder than words. He has gotten what he wanted without allowing you in his life or given you anything you desire.

My advice to you is to give him exactly what he wanted in the beginning and nothing more—intimacy. You have been too generous: no more dressing up, breakfasts in bed, unannounced visits, dates, perks or extracurricular activities with him. Inform him of changes you are making. Your personal life is now private and don’t ask about his. Don’t share your schedule, comings and goings. Unfriend him. Do not accept money, dates, gifts from him or let him work around your house. Wean yourself.

Go out with other people. Spend the time getting to know people without being intimate. Enjoy the best of both worlds. When you desire intimacy, schedule it with Your “Mister,” as infrequently as possible. Your “Mister” will either miss your comforts and reconsider, or disappear. In the meantime, chances are good that you will meet someone who is willing to give you everything desired before you are intimate with them. Be discreet and always protect yourself.

Continue until it is no longer good to you or for you.

~ Sista Girl


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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.

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