Ask Sista Girl – February 2017

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Sista Girl

The Price of Freedom

I am seeking advice about my 25-year marriage. In the beginning, I thought we were in love and would live a near-perfect life together. He had a good job, treated me nice, and sexually fulfilled my needs. All of that is gone. My husband sleeps in the bedroom and I sleep on the couch. We fight constantly, threatening each other verbally as well as physically with weapons. He has physically abused me in the past and continues to be mentally abusive. I have said really mean and hurtful things to him over the years. He won’t leave and neither will I.

What can I do to make my life better?

My Sista:

How much is your freedom worth to you? You should never stay married for the sake of being married. Your freedom from a life of fear, anger, and physical abuse is worth more than things you have accumulated together. If you have children, remember, children don’t want to hear you fight, witness violence, or live in a house filled with tension.

You’re living in a cage of despair. Despair can lead to unhealthy behaviors that can result in you or husband living in a different cage. The violence you are participating in and/or receiving can be deadly, resulting in one of you being locked in a coffin or prison cell. It can lead to alcoholism or drug use…a cage of self-destruction. Financial stress can lead to health issues such as heart attacks or strokes caused by high blood pressure.

There are steps you need to take if you can agree that your marriage is irreconcilable. 1) Analyze your finances. Can you live independently, free of your husband’s income? Cut expenses if necessary. If you can make it on your own, don’t ask for anything for yourself. Leave it all. 2) If the residence is not in your name, MOVE. Start over. 3) Get domestic violence counseling so that you don’t hate every man you meet in the future. 4) File for the cheapest divorce, without involving lawyers, if possible. Absolute Divorces (Do-It-Yourself divorces) are legal in some states and are very cheap. 5) If you have children, work out a custody/visitation agreement and file for child support. 6) Once you are free, don’t forget WHY you are apart. Don’t let him in your house because it’s much harder to get them out.

Living with people you don’t like or who don’t like you is not a good idea. You could be living in your own place and sleeping in your own bed without fighting with anyone. Life is too short to waste. Don’t waste what you have left being unhappy. Be free from anger, fear, and violence.

~ Sista Girl



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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.


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