Ask Sista Girl – December 2017

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Dear Sista Girl:

I’m going to get straight to the point.

Where are the real black men? Lately, I find a lot of men have an exorbitant amount of baggage. Their pasts have left them broke and broken. They are not willing to pay their way or make an effort to sustain a meaningful relationship. It seems as though they have given up on love or don’t want it. What is happening?

My Sista:

I’ve heard from several women complaining about the same thing. It is very probable that the real ones are married, hopefully happily.

If we are talking about single African American males, historically, they have suffered more setbacks than most due to wrongful convictions and less competitive job prospects which likely began in our discriminatory education system. However, some wounds are self-inflicted, such as the excessive doting mothers give their sons. That being said, some African American males are playing catch-up. They are not as financially stable as their Caucasian, Asian, or Latino peers. On average, African American females are more educated, some highly, and desire companions on their intellectual and financial level. Unfortunately, the pickings are already slim due to untimely deaths, addiction, unemployment, and incarceration.

I still believe that everyone wants love in some form or another. A few of our problems may be overexposure, exploitation, and excess.

There are hundreds of dating apps and websites, and millions of people online and/or using social media to make a connection. Men have access to many more women nowadays. There are women who are willing to pay for everything and serve up sex on a platter with no strings attached. There are a lot of individuals, men and women, who unscrupulously bare it all on phones, web pages, and in public. And I haven’t even mentioned porn sites, clubs, or bars. All of these things are impediments to finding true love or maintaining self-control in a world of excess.

I am not trying to discourage you but the competition is steep. Be patient and true to yourself. Don’t settle. Hopefully, he’ll find you.

~ Sista Girl


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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.


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