Dear Sista Girl:
After being married for 21 years with several separations in between, I am finally done with my husband.
I feel like a new woman and am ready to meet a man who will fulfill my dreams or at least my needs.
My problem is that I haven’t dated in a very long time or met anyone of interest, nor have I been anywhere besides the grocery store or doctor’s office. I have been on Facebook, and my phone, alerting potential suitors of my availability. A few of my old beaus have contacted me.
Should I revisit the past or start fresh?
As a general rule, I say no to seconds. I give relationships all I have the first time, no regrets. In my opinion, the only exceptions would be if you were separated by an unexpected move that made the relationship unsustainable or if the mutual attraction was never pursued. However, if you and the person were in a relationship that failed or a booty call situation that failed to develop into anything permanent, then the best rule to follow would be to remember why you broke up or stopped seeing one another. Grown folks usually age, not change. Some gain wisdom but their core remains the same, so whatever your problem was the first time, it will rear its ugly head again.
Of course when you reveal to the others that you are no longer married, barely estranged from your husband, then longtime admirers will surface. Ask yourself if you have missed your old boyfriends over the decades or even thought of them. If you haven’t … keep it moving. You’re not the same girl you were 20 years ago, nor should you want to be. Men and women alike tend to seek familiar places or people for comfort. These reencounters can lead to disappointment. Some men remember the young naïve girl that didn’t need security or an established man; and women expect to see the young buff boy in perfect health with stamina, not the man that didn’t take care of himself.
My advice is don’t make anymore announcements. Give yourself a chance to meet new people with similar interests and not sell yourself short by traveling the same path twice. Celebrate your freedom before you hitch your wagon to an old bull.
~ Sista Girl
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Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.