sistagirl logo

Sista Girl:

I desire to abstain sexually until marriage.

I want to do so because of my spiritual renewal with God my Father, I believe this to be the right thing to do.

I am in a relationship with someone who has similar interests as me, he is strong, handsome, and loving. He has been there for me and I for him through some challenging personal situations in both of our lives. Over the past year, we have realized those things that we love about each other and we have realized those things that we need to improve upon.

Each time we have a disagreement, we seem to come back closer and deeper in our relationship. He has shared with me about his in-depth feelings for me and I have shared with him how I feel about him. We are in our thirties and neither married before. He has not shared with me “I love you.” I am sure that I love this man Sista Girl. What if he supports me during this period of abstinence, but he opts to not abstain himself? Do I continue to be with him?

My Sista:

This is a difficult not knowing the full context of this question. It seems to me that you are currently sexually active with this man and you are about to “shut it down” because of your renewed commitment to your spiritual belief. Does the abstinence end the day you say, “I do?”

I am thinking I have interpreted this correctly. Since you have mentioned your commitment to God, you are probably aware of the words in the Bible that state: “Marriage is honorable in all and the bed is undefiled.” [Hebrews 13:4] In other words, it is God’s plan for us to not be sexually active until we are married.

The original intent of sex is to procreate. It is preferred that this procreation takes place with a person you have entered into a covenant relationship [marriage] with. So what do you do if he says; “That’s fine, baby. I support you but I cannot commit to do the same. Just know that what I may do with someone else means nothing to me. Only being with you means something to me.”

Well, I have a couple of responses. If that person chooses not to wait to enter into the relationship sexually as man and wife and respect the abstinence, that is not your mate. It is time to walk. Sure, it will hurt for a little while to not be in relationship with him any longer, but you have reaffirmed your commitment to God and you are now trusting that God will send to you the mate he has for you. Also, the one for you will have the desire to wait until marriage. He realizes you are the prize for him.

Preserve your integrity, my sista. So many people walk away from relationships having gained nothing and having lost a piece of themselves to keep the man or the woman. Just say “Thank you,” as you are now closer to meeting the person God wants you to be in a covenant relationship with.

Second: By him sharing that he will continue to be sexually active, though it would be “meaningless,” speaks volumes. Remember, he is now at high risk for bringing disease into your space that could affect you. Sexually transmitted diseases and/or infections are rampant. HIV/AIDS is no joke! It only takes one time. What if he impregnates someone during this period? More drama!

What if he says: “I will walk with you.” Ahhh. Will you trust that what he is saying is the truth? Ponder that.

My response is merely speculation as the conversation has not occurred yet, but my sista, I applaud you. Share your commitment with our young sisters that they preserve their integrity as well. Your wedding night will be with the one who chose you and you him, and it will be beautiful because you both are discovering each other at the same time, and the beauty of waiting is unmatched. Stay strong.

~ Sista Girl

 


Ask Sista Girl!

Sista Girl will answer your questions about life-issues, and give suggestions on how to solve them. Email your questions to [email protected]

Note: The opinions stated here are not intended to replace any services from professional providers, authorities, and/or legal counsel.