Cathy James. Photo: Norrid Ross
Cathy James. Photo: Norrid Ross

Chatting with Cathy – August 2013

by Cathy James

I am often asked if I have any close friends. My answer is usually no; however, there are a couple of co-workers that I consider friends. We don’t share many things outside of work but talk about things other than work. I am a recluse by nature and keep personal information private. The reasons will be revealed.

I cannot count how many times I have had to tell someone that a person is not their friend. If people could hear themselves describe the most inappropriate and inconsiderate stories, they would say the same.

Advice

I would advise anyone and everyone not to tell every detail about their intimate relationships to another human being. Your parents don’t want to know, and your best friends don’t need to know. Keep the details close to your heart … die with them. If you have to tell someone, tell them when the relationship is over. Loose lips really do sink love ships. People often use details to infiltrate relationships. Inevitably, your information will slip out at an inappropriate time to embarrass you or give access to your significant other’s ear and/or loving arms.

Speaking from experience, it is disheartening when you tell something private to someone you shouldn’t trust, only to have your information regurgitated to a total stranger. Once, I tried to be more of a girl’s girl and shared my relationship details with an associate, only to have my stuff repeated word-for-word by a stranger as if we were now friends. I learned a valuable lesson that day, one that I carried with me: If you don’t want it told, don’t tell it!

Envy and jealousy drive people to do things to your friendship without a second thought. You won’t recognize that your BFF is selfishly destroying your life. Just remember, it is your fault. Shut your mouth! Listen with a discerning ear, and guard your heart.

When partying with a group that includes your significant other, stay sober and awake. Keep your eyes and ears open even if you have known your friends since childhood. Pay attention. Remember, friends won’t touch your partner inappropriately, kiss them, dance too closely with them, or make indecent remarks.

Don’t laugh anything off. Correct it or you will regret it later. Friends won’t invite your man or woman to the club without you. Friends won’t ask you inappropriate sexual questions about your relationship. A real best friend won’t care, and you shouldn’t tell. Set boundaries. Never share private details about your relationship, or your current or ex’s anatomy, desires, finances, or health. What would you want shared about you?

Just keep your conversation simple. If your partner is good to you, simply say that the two of you are doing well. If the relationship is bad, say I’ll tell you later. Be smart, not naïve!

If you are old enough to have relationship woes, then you should be mature enough to know that sleepovers are out of the question, especially if you have a live-in. Male and female BFFs alike should make other arrangements. Play it safe and there will be no mistakes! Countless stories have been told and retold involving middle-of-the-night creeping … into the wrong rooms and beds. We all have heard the stories, listening in horror and disbelief.

Just decide which relationship and/or person is more important.


This advice is given strictly for entertainment purposes only. Email me at [email protected]. Your email will be answered, but please indicate whether you would like your story shared or not.