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Roy Harris

As reported by Roy Harris

After a long hiatus, the Critters are back! Let’s listen in on a speech given by Mr. Groundhog, February 1, 2008, at the Critter History Banquet…

 Master of Ceremonies Brother HoodRat, thank you for those kind words of introduction. Could we give Brother HoodRat a round of applause? He has come a long way! Ms. Schnauzer, thanks for arranging this banquet, and making Mr. Harris’s backyard look so beautiful! Now, if he would only keep it up! Mr. Robin, your voice gets more beautiful with age! Fellow Critters, thank you for coming out on this chilly night to participate in this historic occasion. As I stand here and gaze onto this audience, what a beautiful sight to behold! Before my eyes sit all colors of the rainbow, big, and small, rich and poor, the haves – and the have-nots!

Ms. Schnauzer, thanks
again for bringing us back to our original place of meetings. Sometimes
we get too big for our britches, and end up spending more money with
establishments than we have to carry on our missions! Sometimes we
become so big that we forget our original mission, and we become a
showcase, and lose our way in life; more on that theme later!  


Someone had suggested that we have the meeting at Critter University.
My answer to that is: Did you see the last graduating class? How many
of us fellow critters walk across that dais? My fellow Critters – we
have lost our way! [Brother HoodRat again rose to his feet, and did the
electric slide across the stage shouting Amen, Amen, Amen!]


Before we continue – let’s go in prayer to that Great Critter in the
Sky! “Master Critter, a few of your critter descendants have gathered
here this evening to say thank you for all that you have done for us in
the past, what you are doing for us now, and your plans for our future.
We just wanted to take time out of our busy schedule to say thank you!
Be with us as we face the challenges of living in this ever-changing
city called Askeville – I mean Asheville. Amen.”


Fellow Critters, my topic for tonight is based on the words of that
Critter group, The O’Jays, entitled, “They Smile in Your Face!”


We as Critters are faced with pressing problems to be dealt with, or we
will become extinct in the City of Asheville. If we don’t act we will
become the faceless in this city. There will be all kind of progress,
in the name of progress, and if we are not careful we not will be a
player in the goings-on of this city. We will become complacent, and
will only be given lip service, coddled to, and we will slip behind. We
should stand our ground and let the power to be in this city know that
we won’t take it anymore! We only want a place to raise our children,
areas to find good nutritious food to eat, a decent (and might I add
affordable} place to live, safe and decent places for our kits to play.
And we will use whatever means necessary to survive. [HoodRat jumps to
his feet again and shouts, “You tell them brother!”]


Fellow Critters, I stand before you tonight with a heavy heart when it
comes to how our kits are treated in this city. More of them are living
in poverty, or are on a sliding slope into poverty. The number of
critter families eligible for free and reduce lunches is growing at an
alarming rate. Families living in dangerous places that are not fit for
habitat, but it’s the only thing that they can afford! More and more of
our children are dropping out school and starting that downward spiral!
Make sure your kits get an education!


There once was a time when our teenagers worked at the local vegetable
stands for spending money, now grown-ups are competing with them for
those same jobs; not for spending money, but for living expense money.
Fellow critters, we are living in perilous times! Let me give you some
examples of the times we are living in; Brother Coyote was bemoaning to
me just the other day how he is having to travel all the way to Skyland
every night just to find food. Miss Mouse has to raise her family in a
substandard yard because they are developing her old homestead. Grandma
Groundhog can’t afford to live in the hole she raised her family in
because taxes are forcing her to move into subsidized housing! I tell
you sometimes I feel that they have declared war on us Critters! We
were here before they showed up, but they have all the answers! I tell
you that Great Critter in the Sky will deal with them one day.

They
smile in your face!


But all is not doom and gloom; there is hope for all of us Critters! I
exhort each individual under the sound of my voice use the talent and
gifts that you have to help yourself and someone in some form or
fashion – to move ahead! To my fellow Christian Critters, open your
hearts, your wallets, and your grounds for us! To the education system,
reaffirm your efforts and live up to your motto: “That All Kits Can
Learn.” To the housing market, build homes for all income levels! To
our city government, make it a place where all citizens would want to
work. To my fellow Critters: “Don’t Ever Give Up!” Politicians, quit
using us as your pawns in your quest for authority! Fellow Critters –
They Smile In Your Face!


As Rev. Owl Sharpton preached last Sunday, “To be great, we must change
our ways, be converted and become as little ones! Thank you and Good
Night. But remember – “They smile in your face, and all the time they
want to take your place – back stabbers!”
Silence fell over the yard for a moment, then a thunderous applause, hugs, handshakes and pats on the back abounded.


Until next time…